


It all started with a dream...

by InsanityIsFreedom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A bit random, Childhood Memories, Dreams, M/M, POV Draco Malfoy, Past Abuse, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 08:34:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6187624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsanityIsFreedom/pseuds/InsanityIsFreedom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a door, so I opened it.</p><p>I felt it would help me understand the darkness in his eyes. Who I am. And why it feels so hollow inside me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It all started with a dream...

It started with a dream. A black door looming in front of me. It was a strange door. Completely black – the sort of black that looked like it absorbed all other colours – save for the handle and lock which were made of gold. At first, I thought it was standing on its own. Just there. Although I wasn’t sure where ‘there’ was, only that it was dark and grey and empty. I stood in front of it for a very long time before I noticed the wall. It was on either side of the door, perhaps above as well but I could not see so well. It was smooth to the touch, like glass, inky black glass. It was neither hot nor cold. It was simply _there_. Just as I was.

I didn’t touch the door that time. I don’t know why, but I did not even think of opening it. At least, not then.

I woke up feeling hollow.

* * *

 

The second time I saw the door, it was after an unfortunate encounter with Harry Potter. I don’t truly remember what we talked about or why we started fighting. I just know that fear was gnawing at me and that the emptiness I had felt my whole life was threatening to swallow me whole. It didn’t matter how much I tried. It didn’t make a difference. I was only ever just _there_. Empty, hollow. Lying and pretending. To keep up appearances. But inside, nothing.

That time, I felt pain. As the blood seeped out of my body I felt a spark of relief. I had never thought about dying before. I didn’t feel like a thought about a lot most days. Most of the time I felt like a goldfish in a bowl, just waiting for something to happen while gazing out at the distorted world. That day, the bowl broke. I was looking into Potter’s eyes. I could hear his voice, panicked, but his eyes interested me more. They always had.

There was a darkness in his eyes. A shadow that didn’t fit in the radiance. I could always see it but never identify it. Whenever I looked into his eyes it was all that I could see. That tiny bit of black, lost in a wide sea of green.

One moment I was a fish drowning in air as he gazed into the abyss, the next I was standing in front of the door. It stood, ominous and intriguing, amidst the smooth wall made of the same darkness. This time, I placed my hand on the handle and turned it. But the door did not open.

I turned and was greeted with the sight of a chess table and two chairs. I approached it. Laid a hand on the back of the chair on the side where the white pieces were arranged. It looked like emptiness. As if while painting on a dark canvas, the artist had forgotten to put the colour on the part of the picture. It felt solid. So I sat. I waited but the second chair remained empty.

Just before leaving, I took hold of a white pawn and moved it forward.

I woke up alive. In the Hospital Wing.

* * *

 

When I came back again, the table and chairs were gone. The door was still there. I thought about myself. Who am I exactly? For what purpose was I born into this fishbowl? I thought about Harry. About the darkness in his eye. I looked ahead. And saw a door.

It was a door. So I opened it.

I thought perhaps it would help me understand. Let me know, the answer to those questions.

Behind the door, was a little boy. A little boy who dreamt of a teddy bear.

I woke up with my head feeling light.

* * *

 

The door opened again and I stepped inside. _Inside_ was a cupboard. It was small and cramped and dark. It had a tiny bed stuck at the back, spiders scuttling in the shadows and shelves filled with broken toys. The ceiling went down towards the left so the only part of the cupboard I could stand in was close to the door.

Inside there was a child.

The first time I had come in, he had pointed a finger at me and exclaimed:

“White! You’re all white!”

I had looked down at myself in surprise but had only seen the pale skin of my arms. Then I looked at him. He was small and thin and dark. His hair was tussled black, wild and hanging over his eyes. Two depths of darkness framed with green, only slightly hidden by oversized glasses. His skin was white, as if the colour had been erased. He was only a drawing of a child in black and white.

The second time I came in, he jumped up and ran towards me grinning.

“White, you came back!” he exclaimed happily.

And hugged me.

I woke up with my chest feeling heavy.

* * *

 

When I saw the door again it was locked.

I sat at the chessboard.

My white pawn stood where I had left it and a black one had been moved. I looked up but the chair opposite me was empty.

I move a knight forward.

For a moment, I thought nothing would happen. But then, a black knight rose, moving through the air silently before landing soundlessly on a white tile. Feeling my heart beating a little quicker, I picked up the pawn placed in front of my king and placed it by my first pawn’s side. It was knocked over in a matter of moment and placed on my invisible opponent’s side of the table.

I woke up smiling.

* * *

 

The next time I went, I took his pawn with my own. I watched as his second knight moved past the barrier of pawns beforee I moved my second knight out as well. I watched his rook slide to a black tile in diagonal from the knight I had just brought out.

_Who are you?_

I asked the question in my head but it felt like I was writing it on a piece of paper and slipping it under the door.

The answer came like a note slid under the door, unfolded and read.

_I don’t know. Do you know who you are?_

I woke up in pain.

* * *

 

I saw the child again. He jumped on me calling me ‘White’. So I called him Black and lowered myself to the floor, to join him at playing war with his set of mutilated plastic soldiers.

“Don’t you want to go out?” I asked him as he destroyed my imaginary fort.

“Out?” he asked looking up at me curiously.

“Outside. Behind the door.” I elaborated.

He became grave.

“I don’t want to. It’s bright and scary. And when I go out, they’re always mean to me. I like it better here.” he said and declared his victory.

I woke up wishing for my mother’s warmth.

* * *

 

I moved my first knight forward and slipped a note under the door.

_Do you know Black?_

_Yes_ , said the answer.

My knight was taken by a black pawn.

 _But he doesn’t know me_.

I considered this, before moving one my rooks to stand next to my remaining knight. A black pawn moved two squares forward.

 _Why not?_ I asked and took his pawn with one mine.

There was no answer. His king moved next to his tower and his switched places to stand on the king’s other side. I did the same on my side of the board. A black pawn took a white pawn and I slid my second rook until it stood one square away from his knight. He moved one of pawns forward.

 _Will I ever see you?_ I wrote to him in my head.

I moved my horse.

 _Yes_.

I woke up happy.

* * *

 

“I wanted a friend.” Black told me when I saw him next.

We were playing with his soldiers again.

“A friend or a teddy bear. I always wanted a teddy bear you know. They would never let me have one. But you came and that’s nice.”

I looked up at him.

“What are _they_ like?” I asked him, watching as his eyes became distant.

“Very big.” he whispered. “And very scary.”

We played in silence for a moment.

“What do I look like?” I asked curiously.

He gazed up at me from behind his huge glasses.

“White.” he said. “Very white. Whenever you open the door, a lot of light comes in.”

“Have you ever tried opening the door before?”

He shook his head.

“I don’t want to. It’s scary outside.”

“It’s not scary where I come from.” I lied.

“Really?” he asked.

He looked like he didn’t believe me so I told him about magic.

I woke up and bought a teddy bear.

* * *

 

I opened the door and found nothing. I closed it again. I opened it a second time but there was still nothing. The cupboard had become emptiness. Black was gone. I shut the door and feeling a change swung around. The chessboard was there. I sat.

 _Where is Black?_ I demanded.

A black pawn moved forward.

_He left for the world of magic. He decided to open the door._

I moved my rook back.

_Will I ever see him again?_

The tower next to the black king slid to the side.

_No._

I woke up and cried.

* * *

 

I moved my pieces mechanically. Pawn. Tower. Pawn. I thought about Black. I hoped he had found the world of magic and not _their_ world. I thought about the teddy bear sitting on my nightstand.

Pawn. Rook. Tower.

_Won’t you talk to me today?_

I did not answer. Tower. Rook. Rook.

_Draco?_

The letters were the same as usual and yet, somehow gentle.

 _How do you know my name?_ I asked, moving my knight.

_You know mine too._

My heart leapt. Pawn. Knight. Knight.

_Harry?_

Queen. Tower. Pawn.

_Yes, Draco?_

I woke up hoping.

* * *

 

It happened when I looked into his eye. I saw a door opening, a chessboard and a black knight checking the white king.

A note slipped on my desk.

Later, I walked up to the seventh floor. There was door, so I opened it. Behind it was a young man.

His hair was dark and his eyes were two depths lost in a sea of green.

He sat in front of a chessboard on which the black king stood victorious.

“Harry?” I said.

“Yes, Draco?” his voice answered, deep and gentle.

He stood up and I walked over to him.

“Do you know who you are now?” he murmured in my ear.

“Yes.” I said and kissed him hungrily.

I woke up in his arms and kissed him again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was kind of random, I'll admit. But I thought of Draco in front of a door and just had to write this. I realize the style makes the story a bit unclear so read the following if you need a clarification. Skip if you do not ;)
> 
> Draco feels empty, rather like a goldfish in a bowl of water just circling round and round. His dreams take him in Harry's mind where he meets the child that Harry used to be: Black. Black is stuck in his cupboard because somewhere inside him Harry is still stuck in his little cupboard under the stairs as this child who dreamt of having a teddy bear. When Black leaves it's because Harry feels finally free of his past and ready to move forward. The Harry who plays chest against Draco is the Harry who has grown up but is still stuck a door which stops him from interacting directly with other people. As the boys play they start filling up the emptiness and opening the door respectively, and end up understanding 'who they are', as well as their feelings for each other.
> 
> I hope you found this short oneshot enjoyable and do consider leaving a comment behind to tell me all about it. I accept criticism, etc, so feel free to express yourselves! ;)


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